You Can't Draw Water From An Empty Well

I'm a secret lurker of a woman's blog who I have a lot in common with--we both homeschool, are the same age, have several children, and are both bishop's wives. Although I have never emailed or spoken to this woman, she has inspired me on many occasions with her wisdom and insights into life and the gospel. A few days ago she had a posting about motherhood and I just love what she had to say. I had been thinking about some of the very things she talked about just yesterday (including the quote--"If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!), and after reading her post this morning, I just have to link to it. I have heard this poem "Girl in a Whirl" before and love it because I feel so often that it is exactly what I am expecting myself to do even though reading it makes me realize how silly and impossible it is to even attempt to do all of those things.

I love her reference to Elder Ballard's talk and her great ideas (and also realistic ideas) on how she tries to make time for herself. This is what I think I need to focus on right now. So, my focus for the next week is to figure out how to make time for myself and fill my well, because I think it has been a little empty lately.  This goes with my post yesterday of needing to be filled with the spirit to experience true joy. I'm committing myself to doing things to help myself be filled with the spirit--including getting up earlier and making daily scripture study a priority and attending the temple this week. 

So here's what I've been talking about: chocolateonmycranium 

The Potential of Joy

I've started this post a million times and got interrupted about that many times as well. I think I am trying to make things too complicated--I have a tendency to do that (maybe that is one of the keys to finding joy--simplifying my life--we'll save that one for another post!) I have a lot of thoughts running through my head, but I am going to overwhelm myself if I try to think about all of them at once, so I am breaking this up into baby steps for myself so I don't get overwhelmed and lose my focus and forget what I was doing in the first place (I have a tendency to do that as well!)

As I've thought about joy, I've read several scriptures and studied what joy is and come up with some conclusions as to why I feel so drawn to strive toward this goal of joy. I'm not going to list all of my findings and thoughts here because I might be here all day, but I want to record a few. 

The first is that I believe one of the very points for our existence is to have joy. It is what our Heavenly Father wants for us, and it is ultimately one of our rewards when we leave this earth life and return back into His presence. These are just a few of the scriptures that emphasize these points:

"Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou in the joy of the lord." (Matthew 25:11)

"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." (Psalms 16:11)

To go with that, I have three other things for today. One is a quote that I saw painted on a plaque in a craft store many years ago, and which I based my personal viewpoint of home and family around even before I was married and had children. It is by President David O. McKay and idealizes what I really want my home to be. It states: "It is possible to make home a bit of heaven. Indeed, I picture heaven as the continuation of the ideal home." If the Lord's presence is where we can experience a "fulness of joy," it seems only right to me that in my home I should be striving to find and maintain joy as well to create my "heaven on earth."  

The next is I can't think of my home being a "heaven on earth" without having the hymn "Home Can be a Heaven on Earth" come to mind. Ironic that it's lyrics mention joy. This is just the first verse (maybe I'll post the other verses in another post :)

Home can be a heav’n on earth

When we are filled with love,
Bringing happiness and joy,
Rich blessings from above—
Warmth and kindness, charity,
Safety and security—
Making home a part of heaven,
Where we want to be.

(Hymns, no. 98)

If I want to experience true, everlasting joy in my home, I know I have a few things I need to work on (that's why I can't post the other verses today--baby steps!)

The last thing today is a recent quote by our prophet, President Monson, talking about our homes: "Our homes are to be more than sanctuaries; they should also be places where God's spirit can dwell, where the storm stops at the door, where love reigns and peace dwells . . ."

Joy is a gift. It is a gift and a fruit of the spirit, and the kind of joy that I am seeking cannot be felt and experienced without having my home and life filled with the spirit--again I've got some work to do, but I think I've found the right path and am starting to take baby steps to get there!

The Beginning

Many years ago I cut out a quote from a newspaper that I really liked and stuck it in a file of miscellaneous stuff. While cleaning out that random file several months ago, I ran across this little clipping again and hung it on my fridge. The message is profound . . . 

"Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do." - Jean de La Bruyere (1645-1696)

A couple of weeks ago when I asked a friend of mine how she was doing, she said she was "in need of change." When I asked big or little, she replied "many little ones." As I thought of her comment, I reflected on my own life which I felt was also in need of change (despite huge changes that had just taken place in our family with my husband being called to serve as bishop of our ward!) I came to a conclusion of what I felt the problem was in my life, and possibly my friends’.

I decided that the reason I felt that I was in need of change was because I was so caught up in the day-to-day tasks that I was forgetting to enjoy the present just as the quote talks about.  I call this situation being stuck in "survival mode." That's when I just do whatever I can to make it through the day. At the end of the day when the kids are in bed and I am reflecting on how much I love them (especially in their quiet, sleeping, state), I realize that I feel empty in the accomplishment category. I feel as though I have accomplished nothing all day (despite working like a horse), because the kitchen floor that I cleaned (sometimes more than once) is once again dirty, the bathroom that was spotless for one brief moment now has toilet paper strewn about and toothpaste on the counter, and the laundry that was almost “caught up” is once again just “piling up”. 

During this quiet moment I realize that I spent half the day getting after my now sleeping little angels (who when awake are not often awarded the title "angel") and I feel guilty about not spending enough quality time with them--not reading that book to them because I was too busy, and not being the perfect mother that I was convinced I was going to be BEFORE I had children. I make a silent commitment to myself and my children that I will be better tomorrow . . . 

Then I wake up the next morning (after being up several times during the night with the baby, middle-of-the-night bathroom trip, or scary dream--sometimes all three in one night), and I somehow slip back again into my "survival" mode. I start doing again all the same things that I did the day before--getting after the kids again, not taking time to read that book and enjoy the kids, and murmuring the whole time as I clean up yet ANOTHER mess and ask myself if this whole thing will ever end. 

Then sometimes I start thinking . . . if only the baby would sleep through the night . . . if only my three year old would become completely potty trained . . . if only I could get organized . . . the list goes on and on. I start wishing for the future to come as an end-all to my current struggles, and I start forgetting to enjoy the present. 

In our last general conference, our Prophet gave some words of advice that have since become a well-known statement: "find joy in the journey." While that phrase has stuck with me and I have joked with other moms in moments of crisis to remember to "find joy in the journey", I had not looked back on the actual talk until now. All of a sudden as I've taken the chance to reflect today, this statement and talk take on new meaning, and I feel this overwhelming desire and need to move myself past the “survival mode” phase and onto new heights where I can become the wife and mother God intends me to be--where I can experience true joy in the journey. This blog will be a place for me to record my thoughts and experiences as I start a journey to find joy.