Expectations

I’ve been a mother of five now for a little over four months. Wow! I would have hoped to have it all figured out by now, but nope! I think the only thing I have figured out is how very little I have figured out. I have, however, figured out some expectations:

WHAT NOT TO EXPECT . . .

That I will ever be showered and dressed at a reasonable time of the day.

That anyone will ever show up at my door when my house is presentable, and I’m NOT wearing pajamas.

A spotless house.

A clean house.

One clean room.

That I will ever find the bottom of the laundry pile.

That I will get 8 consecutive hours of sleep any time in the next several years.

Perfect children.

That I will ever have a phone conversation without someone fighting or yelling, or someone pulling on my shirt wanting something.

To have something to eat without someone sitting on my lap, asking me to do something for them, or little fingers picking at my food.

Church to be easy for at least the next four years.

To ever go somewhere without being in a hurry because we’re late, or almost late.

My mothering skills to be at their peak when I am working on 2 hours of sleep.

People to ever stop saying to me “Wow! You’ve got your hands full!” everywhere I go.

To ever feel like I have things “under control.”

Clear thinking, and remembering everything that needs to be done without writing it down and referring to it often.

Dinner to make itself.

WHAT TO EXPECT . . .

That whatever I don’t get done today, will still be there waiting for me tomorrow.

That I will never suffer from boredom--I don’t have to look far to find 100+ things to do.

That the “tornado” knows exactly where we live, and “hits” our house on a regular basis.

That the floor I just mopped with be sticky again by the end of the day.

That my foot (or even worse, my husband’s foot) will find the one Lego that was left on the floor.

That I just might feel like a broken-record for the rest of my life.

That I will never get everything done that I think I can accomplish in a day.

That my children will always be hungry, even if they just ate a million pancakes five minutes ago.

That I will always have a pile of unfinished projects.

That my children will love me despite my weaknesses, but that they will unintentionally exploit my weaknesses (or their father’s) to others.

That my children will grow up way too fast.

That my children will eventually get too big for me to pick up.

That my children will always be my best form of entertainment.

That MY attitude has more to do with what happens in my home than I will ever know.

That my influence as a mother has a profound impact on what my children will become.

That no matter how prepared I think I am, I will never be prepared for the 1, 2, or 3 blowouts the baby will have while I am out shopping.

To always be needed, even if it means that two children are fighting to sit on my lap at the same time.

That the words “spare” and “time” may not exist in my vocabulary together for a very long time.

What Kind of Mother Am I?

It's obviously been a while since I have posted anything, and I have a lot to say, just not a lot of time to get it down on paper (or a blog!)

I have always had this desire to have a perfectly clean house and perfect children, but the more children I have the more I have to laugh at this very unrealistic goal I established before I ever even had children. Also before I had children, I thought I would be the perfect mother to go along with the perfect children and perfect house. Little did I know that the more children I have, the more I would see all my flaws staring me right in the face.

Anyways, once upon a time before I had children, I bought a cross-stitch that really does idealize what this mothering thing is all about and the kind of mother I am really trying to be. I ran across this unfinished cross-stitch tonight as I was looking for something. It says:

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there.

Ours boasts of it quite openly,

The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,

Little smudges on the doors,

I should apologize I guess for toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children

And we played and laughed and read,

And if the doorbell doesn't shine,

Their eyes will shine instead.

For when at last I'm forced to choose the one job or the other;

I want to be a homemaker

But first I'll be a mother.

I'm trying to remember this as I am learning to let go of my pride and just go ahead and open the door when my house is a mess because I have spent all day doing school with the kids, snuggling with a newborn, or working on some project. I do not need to apologize for choosing to do that which is really most important!

My Secret Identity

I have a secret identity . . . anyone surprised? Although I wish this secret identity was some sort of a super hero, it's not . . . it is the person that exists inside of me when I am not on official duty as "mommy". This person makes rare appearances like on date nights with my husband, occasional "girls night out" with my friends (which, ironic as it may be the topic of conversation usually centers around our "not-so-secret identities" 0f "mommy"), and occasional moments out to myself.

This is the woman who is not stressed about keeping track of exactly where each child is at every moment, breaking up fights, stopping tantrums, constantly cleaning up messes, and changing diapers. This is the woman who does not have screaming or whining children as the backdrop to every phone conversation, or a child hanging on her or saying quite loudly "Mom, let's go!" every two seconds when trying to carry on a live conversation. This is the woman who doesn't feel like she needs to be an octopus, elastigirl, or perhaps both at the same time.  This is the machine that feels like it can go into sleep mode however short it may last to take a break from all of her "multi-tasking". 

Although this woman makes only brief appearances in my life, I am grateful that I know she exists and I get to make this occasional transformation. There is something about letting my secret identity come out every once in a while that makes living in my not-so-secret identity a little easier.  In fact, I've found that when I get to make the transformation between the two identities frequently, I'm actually better in my "true" identity. 

I love being a mom. It's hard, frustrating, overwhelming, and a whole lot of other things, but it's also rewarding, entertaining, spectacular, and amazing! I am truly grateful that my "secret identity" is not my only identity. That my most-commonly known identity is "mom".

It's been a while . . .

So it's been a while since I've updated. We've been doing the chore chart thing and it works pretty well when I stay on top of things. I also really, really love my cordless vacuum! I set up my card system, but find that I really don't use it so I'm thinking just a checklist would be more simple. I have also been just trying to get my house put together here and there. I got a couple of closets cleaned out and yesterday I put away a bunch of the kids' toys so that they will hopefully be easier to pick up. I'm just tired of it taking 1/2 day just to clean the playroom! 

I'm slowing down and getting to the frustrating time of pregnancy for me when my sciatic nerve starts to really throw me fits and I don't know what I'm actually going to be able to accomplish in a day. If I try to do too much I will hate myself later and some days I get out of bed really unable to move around well at all. I am also that great heartburn stage so I really don't feel like eating anything. Figuring out what to feed people is really hard when I would rather just have a bowl of cereal! I think that will be the next thing on the agenda--meal planning!

The workboxes have been working well. I just haven't figured out a very good system for myself yet for refilling them. I think I am just ready for a bit of a summer break from school so that I can get a few things done before this baby comes! I would like to set up a school room for next year so that I can re-claim my kitchen and feel like we have a better place to do school than my kitchen table. 

Overall, things have been going pretty good! I am making baby steps as always, but at least I am not standing still!!

A House of Order - Establishing a Cleaning Routine

I have been working on organizing my cleaning schedule and coming up with a chore system for the kids this week. 

I am not a big chore chart fan. They just seem to be A LOT more work for mommy than the actual work that they help accomplish.  I have tried cute little chore charts. I once tried a chore chart that had a bunch of cute little cutout things for the kids with small pictures of chores that they moved from "do it" to "done." Sounds simple enough, but all the pieces were a big pain and it had to be setup every day so we could start over again. There were too many chores on there to do and it was just too complicated. I have tried the simple check the box or simple charts, but they always disappear from the fridge and end up in some random part of the house. Don't work. I have tried no chore chart and just trying to let the kids know what is expected of them, and I have tried the "just ask mommy" approach which gets old really fast. So, what is my genius idea this time?

I have a very simplified chore process. First off we call the morning routine the "Big Five." I got this from somewhere, don't know where, but just so you know it is not an original idea. The "Big Five" consists of: Make Bed, Get Dressed, Take care of PJs, Brush Teeth, Comb Hair. One item for each finger on one hand. These are chores that are just automatic. No chore chart. I am,  however, going to make a little poster with visuals to tape to the back of their door or something because that's just what I do. 

Next we are going to have a meal time chore that will stay the same all week. There are only three chores because we only have three children that can do chores right now. Mom or dad will help with these chores and adapt to age/skill level as needed. They are: Set Table, Unload Dishwasher & Sweep, and Load Dishwasher. These chores will be done for each meal except unloading dishwasher is a once-a-day chore at our house (at least for now!) I made little cards that have these duties on them and wrote what is required for the job on the back.

The second chore is a daily chore, and again I picked three: Take Out Garbage, Straighten Living Room, and Help with Laundry. 

The Last chore is one they only have to help with once a week (for now): Clean Bathroom, Wash Walls, and Vacuum. 

I made little pockets with their names on them that stick to the fridge to keep their three chores in so they can pull them out and read the back so they know what they need to do. Mostly, because I have kept it simple I can just remember who is in charge of what for the week. Simplify, simplify, simplify. The kids were so excited when I finished the chore cards yesterday that we had to start last night so they will get a couple extra days of practice before we officially start chores on Monday. My 7-year-old daughter who has laundry help actually was so excited that she put in a load of towels on her own while I was getting my glasses fixed last night (the side effect of a 3-year-old deciding he needed to "see" something yesterday). The only problem was it was a HUGE load of towels and has taken forever to dry! We'll be working on that one! By the way, daddy was home but did not notice this little helper being so "helpful." 

I'm also working on a chore system for myself that is a card system that is similar to what is found in a book called "Side-tracked Home Executives" by Pamela Young. When I read this book a long time ago I didn't get around to setting up the system because it was a lot of work (and it still is) and it was too overwhelming for me at the time. I have kept a running list of chores that I think need to be done around my house and how often I think they need to be done and now I am putting them on cards according to chore frequency. I am hoping this will help put my mind to rest because I am very detail oriented and I always think about all the detailed cleaning stuff like baseboards, windows, vacuuming the ceiling fan, etc., when I sometimes can't even find the basic parts of my house. This is a problem because what happens is I get one room really clean (every corner dusted, windows and blinds cleaned, no extra junk, etc.), but then rest of the house is a disaster. I am trying to figure out a household maintenance system that works where I can then add in these "extra" deep cleaning chores and feel like my house is all-around clean. I think this card system will work because I am a checklist type of person. Sometimes I make a list and put things on it that I have already done just so I can cross it off and feel like I am accomplishing something. I also am notorious for thinking I can accomplish way more than is humanly possible for a mom of four kids who homeschools.

I think these baby steps in the cleaning routine will help immensely. I have a few other things I would like to eventually do, but for now I think this is a great start!

 

A House of Order - Organizational Time Out

I read something a while back in a book that I can't remember the title of or author, and I'm sure this is not how she said whatever it is that she was saying, but the impression/feeling that came to my mind was that sometimes we have to take a step back (a "time out") and allow ourselves the time to get organized so that things can run smoother. It takes time to set up systems and be organized, but it is for the benefit of ourselves (and our sanity), and our families.

So, I'm planning my "time out" strategy and how I can get myself organized without having everything get worse rather than better, which is usually what happens when I try to clean--I work on cleaning one room or area, and the kids work on messing it up! And sometimes (okay, a lot of the times) the area they mess up is an area I just left clean! I love those little tornadoes and wish I had even half their energy, and then my whole problem would be solved. I could whip around cleaning and organizing things faster than they could mess them up! Oh, that makes me tired just thinking about it!

Back to the "time out" plan. I'm pretty sure at this point that it is going to involve a couple of packs of paper plates and some good movies, playdough, paper, and activities for the kids. I'm not sure if it is going to involve me working after the kids go to bed (I was going to say "staying up late," but then I realized that I already do that, I just don't clean because I'm too busy enjoying a moment of sanity while thinking about everything that I should be doing!) 

My "time out" might come over the course of a couple of work like a horse days, or I might try to just plan time every day to do some organizing. I think I am going to have to do this when I get everything organized just so I can maintain stuff. 

So I just thought I would put this thought out there as my pregnant brain randomly jumps from one thought to another. Is there a way to organize your brain???

A House of Order - Simplifying My Life

I am making progress towards establishing a house of order. This progress is coming in tiny baby steps, but are things that will make a big difference in my ability to accomplish what should be simple tasks (as if  anything is really ever simple with children!)

The first thing I did this week is buy a laundry sorter for the kids. Jim and I already have one and it works well for us, but the kids had one laundry basket for all of their dirty clothes. One basket sounds simple enough, but one laundry basket meant that I had to sort through the entire basket of clothes BEFORE I could even do laundry. With a sleeping baby in that room a couple of times a day (the most convenient times to do laundry so I can run up and down stairs without a tagalong), it made the laundry process a lot more difficult than it really needed to be. 

So, back to the laundry sorter . . . I labeled the three different mesh bags--whites, darks, and towels (this is one advantage to having children that read!), and we had fun sorting through the pile of laundry together and deciding which bag each item belongs in!! Having the laundry pre-sorted has meant a much simpler laundry process for me this week--no more sorting through the big pile of clothes!! I love that I can see through the mesh bags and know which loads of laundry I need to do for the day and I can quickly grab the fullest one on my way out of the room as I put the baby down for a nap! Another advantage is that a mesh bag is so much easier to haul up and down the stairs with my pregnant belly and laundry getting through two baby gates! So for now I have simplified the laundry process so I can have all of my laundry washed, folded an put away much easier (just kidding, that almost NEVER happens around here :) Really, I'm just hoping the kids continue to be as good as they have at putting their dirty clothes where they go--since right now we are still in the "fun" stage and I'm sure they will outgrow that at some point. Three cheers for simplifying something in my life! Why did it take me so long to make this $16 investment for my sanity?? 

My next area of simplicity . . . vacuuming! I got a new vacuum! You might ask, what is wrong with my current vacuum? Let me tell you . . . I have a really nice vacuum called a Hyla which I love! I does a great job and also does wet pick up which has saved me on more than one occasion. The problem is that it is somewhat of a complicated vacuuming process--fill up with water, haul up and down the stairs, empty the water. Pregnant me with sciatic nerve issues, four children and the Hyla do not mix. The Hyla is a great deep-cleaning, once-a-week vacuum. The problem is that a home with four children is not a once-a-week vacuum project, sometimes it isn't even a once-a-day project. I needed something to simplify the vacuuming process. 

My husband being the picky vacuum person that he is (he had his own business selling the Hyla for a while) didn't want a cheap corded vacuum (which I would have been totally okay with). He wanted something that was easy for me to use, doesn't take up a lot of space, and was somewhat of a quality machine that would last for a while. I really wanted something that would vacuum at least as well as inexpensive corded vacuum or better. He researched on the Internet and we ended up spending more than I really wanted, but got a pretty slick little machine. I just got it yesterday and after charging the battery before use, it has already been used a couple of times (I told you a four kid house was at least a once-a-day vacuuming project.) Anyways, I love it! It stores nicely in the pantry and the battery comes out for charging so I don't have to have the vacuum plugged in to charge. SO NICE!! I am so looking forward to this new simplified process and being able to keep my home a little cleaner with a simple, easy to use, cordless vacuum! Hooray again that my husband loves me--this vacuum is so much nicer than what I would have picked out for myself :)  

The next thing I have been working on is a way to simplify our school day and be more organized. I ran across this idea of workboxes the other day and I have been putting them together so we can get started in the next couple of weeks. I think this will hold me more accountable because I have to have everything planned and set up in advance. It will also teach the children to work independently and allow them (and me) a little more freedom. I think it will also make it so we can get to more of the fun stuff that we really love doing together rather than being so exhausted once we get through the basics (after pulling teeth some days!) I am way excited to try this out soon and then get everything ready for next school year in the fall when we also add another little guy to the mix. I have had a lot of fun designing the boxes to put stuff in. I will post pictures when I have a chance and explain the system better with links to some blogs and websites. 

Another thing that I have done hit and miss, but is really great at simplifying the snack process around here is to fill up little containers with fruit, jello, pudding, yogurt, etc. and have them ready to go in the fridge. It is so nice to give my children healthy food choices for snacks and if they are already ready it means I don't have to drop everything to open a can of fruit cocktail especially when my hands are full with a baby or something else.

Some other ideas for simplifying my life that I haven't gotten to yet are these . . . 

--Making a master list of phone numbers for doctors, dentists, etc. and a schedule of when people last visited all of these fun people. As I have more children I am not so great at keeping track of this stuff and I've learned that if I don't make my next appointment before I leave the doctor, chances are that it will take me forever to remember and finally get around to it (and that's only if I can find the number when I need it and I don't have screaming children so I can actually carry on a conversation with someone.) I also need to remember when my husband and I last visited the eye doctor so that we don't wait until we are on the last pair on contacts to make an appointment (as is the case with me at this very moment!)

--Figuring out a better way to organize and store children's clothing for the next child. I want to make a clothing inventory list as I put stuff away so that I know what I have to use for the next child. Since we have so many boys, sometimes there are only a few items of clothing that need to be purchased to make it through a certain stage, and sometimes the previous boy has pretty much worn everything out and we have to start new. I want a checklist so I know (especially during seasons changes) what I need to buy so I can get in on the good sales early and not buy stuff we don't need, and forget what we really do need! I store all of my clothing in bins sorted and labeled inside the bin in plastic ziploc bags. This sounds complicated, but it is sure nice when I pull stuff out. I will post pics as I am in the middle of this massive clothes organization project. I also want to decide on a time frame when I want to go through clothes, closets and drawers and put stuff away and pull out new stuff and have a fashion show with the kids to decide what fits, etc. The clothing issue becomes bigger and more complicated the more children I have. 

While on the subject of clothing, I just have to put in a plug for Shopko and their kid tough guarantee. I only buy pants at Shopko on sale. Sears also does this, but you have to keep receipts. Anyways, the kids put a hole in the pants and you take them back in for a new pair. Same size, same brand. No questions asked. I can't tell you how many pairs of pants we have been saved from buying because of this deal. I have four pairs of pants that I'm hoping to take in later today. It is so nice and worth a couple extra bucks which most of the time isn't even the case unless you are comparing new clothing prices to what you can get at the DI (by the way I am NOT a DI shopper--nothing against those who are, I just think I would be crazy (okay, I'm already crazy, but I would be on the verge of insane) if I were to take my children to the DI to sort through racks. Also, in my personal shopping experiences I have found NEW shirts for less than you can buy a used shirt at the DI--so why wouldn't I choose new?)

The last project or two that I am going to mention to hold myself somewhat accountable are:

-A household cleaning schedule so I can rotate through those deep cleaning, feels so good to know it is done once in a while chores. I'm thinking some sort of card system. I like flylady, but not everything there works for me because of all the little ones I have running around!  I'm also going to get the kids involved in a better chore system including making a gunny bag (a pillow case with a face on it) that eats leftover toys (the toys the kids don't pick up) and then the kids have to do something to earn them back. Haven't worked out the details yet, just one of those ideas I want to try.

-Organizing my recipes and being better about menu planning. I have been wanting to do this for years. I think my husband will pass out if I ever really do accomplish this. Haven't figured out the best way to organize recipes yet--if anyone has ideas, let me know. Do I put them in a book or use index cards?

-A better system for updating finances in the computer and paying bills.

-An organized place to do school. This is actually one of the things on the top of my list even though it has been placed here at the bottom!

So it might be another couple of years before I post again as I work on all these projects that are time-consuming up front, but time-saving in the end! Wish me luck!